Progressing upon the path of nature.

This touching offer (received last year via Facebook) filled me with hope that there’s a whole world of rich and joyful experiences waiting for me if I happen to abandon this life of academia:

Hello dear friend, or one I hope will soon become a dear friend! I am here by sending my best greeting under you and your family. Is a wonderful pleasure to send this lovely letter to you! I hope you are in good condition. To write you this letter is a great pleasure to me large! My name is Yahya, I am from The Gambia in West Africa. The tailoring of many men is a lie, but inside me you will find only truth. I believe you will like what your binoculars see.

I am looking for a woman to move to me here in the lands here with me. I would require that you pay to fly your air mobile over to here to join me, but upon arrival I would no longer levy a fee. Instead, I would pay for you to take care of my home and my needs. I would pay handsomely for the services of your meal creation, your washing, your keeping clean of the abode, and your bathroom cleansing especially. There would of course be some expectation of sexual services but within the first month of dining together at night we would first come to know one another and simply progress upon the path of nature. We may both look forward to the rare heat of being enveloped by another persons flaming door .

Thank you very much, may sunshine fill your dwelling. Have a nice day and in your family and friends

Take care.

I very much enjoy the way in which the initial paragraph and the last three lines are so intensely polite (if filled with strange metaphors), whilst the ideas presented in the middle paragraph are both preposterous and misogynistic. That said, I really hope I’m in good condition too! It has been a while since my vet last checked behind my ears.